Normal and Abnormal
by Demigodkid1999
Summary: Everyone knows what's normal. The normal thing in life is to survive a world of criticizing pricks with nothing else to do. What's NOT is falling down a rabbit hole, meeting mafia bosses with strange tea obsessions, trying to find a baby in a world using bullets and guns everyday, and wondering what will happen when your mother starts calling you and you don't pick up.
1. Chapter 1

**Finally! *Falls over exhausted***

**I freaking finally write a story on this account! It's been ages since I've seen any of you guys. *Dodges random flying weapons like a boss***

**It's something that I've been thinking of for a while, and I thought since it's mostly random, I'm gonna post it on my old account. I have a new one called Nuzlocket, but don't worry. I'm still somewhat active on this one.**

**I don't own Heart no Kuni no Alice, nor any of the references used in the story. Understand this story will have OCs, which I do own, but if you don't mind that, keep on reading. I also own the sort-of crackish plot. This is what happens when I'm bored.**

**Enjoy reading!**

* * *

**ANYA'S POV**

"Squee!"

"Anya, can you please hand me a towel? Ace is drooling again," my friend, Eva, asked me. Handing her the towel, I peeked into the sky blue bundle, and smiled at the little guy.

In her arms was an adorable baby of nine months with raven bangs covering his bright brown eyes whom was looking at his sister's slightly flustered appearance. Pudgy hands reached to touch the silver teardrop-shaped necklace that dangled near his fingers.

Her ebony hair was tied in a hazardously messy ponytail that swung to one side since the other was occupied by said-child. She wore the normal light blue hand knit sweater with a plain t-shirt underneath and knee length jean shorts that were worn down from constant usage. Soft brown eyes framed by black glasses peered at the baby while Eva was dabbing at the small trails of spit that slid down his face.

I had my sandy blonde hair down with my short, stubby bangs barely covering my stone colored eyes. I wore an old orange sweatshirt from my counselor days at the local summer camp with a pair of sunglasses that sat on the bridge of my nose. My camo shorts reached my knees as I tapped the floor tiles with my Converse shoes.

"I'm impressed you can handle a kid. Honestly, we're just starting college, but you could be a mom if you wanted to with your mommy skills," I lightly teased, causing Eva to turn a deep red. Ha ha~

"Shut up! I can't help it. Besides, you know how crazy my mom gets whenever she leaves Ace with me. Plus, you knows what happens when she gets pissed. If she had a choice of bringing him along to work, she'd take the chance to do so."

I nodded at her slowly, "Alright, alright. You don't need to be so high strung. Let's just GTFO then! To the park!"

Getting my backpack that had all my necessities, which was basically junk food, my electronics, and my headphones, I nearly fell over in shock at the sight of Eva's gear for the park. Her giant brown backpack most likely had all the needed baby gear a mother could ever need while Eva, still wearing the same outfit, wore a dark blue moby that had a giant lump around her chest. Staring at her for a long time, I just opened the door, and walked outside.

It took about ten minutes walking and about twenty to set up everything near our favorite tree with Ace randomly crying at times when it seemed too tranquil. After the first few moments of sitting down, it was peaceful and quiet. Ace was sleeping on the blanket with a goofy smile on his face while sucking on his thumb, Eva was lying down with her eyelids drooping every once in a while until I heard her snoring, and I was trying not to let my anger show at the stupid puzzle game.

Looking up from the screen, I noticed something wrong.

Something really really wrong.

We were minus one adorable baby.

"Eva! Wake up, damn it! Ace is missing!"

Instantly shooting up from her nap, Eva looked around the area to see Ace crawling into a giant hole in the ground that was conveniently near our spot. Lunging forward, she unfortunately failed to catch Ace who giggled as he fell down, but gravity started to mess with Eva as her body was also sucked into the gaping hole. Grabbing our backpacks, I jumped inside, not caring about anything else, but the safety of my friend. The one rule of friendship: if your friends are falling into a giant hole, join them. Who knows what might to them?

* * *

"Anya, are you okay?"

"My head is throbbing, my body feels like it's on needles, and I have a nasty taste in my mouth that chocolate can't erase. So, yes. I'm peachy."

"I don't think we're on Earth anymore."

"Why," I muttered out before noticing the huge mansion in front of me. It was a clean white with freshly cleaned windows that smelled like lemons and roses, although that might be from the rose garden behind me. There was a pathway leading over towards a corner before going to the left. We must be somewhere near the back area, or something like that.

"Do you think Ace is around here somewhere," Eva whispered worriedly.

A giggle popped out of nowhere from the other side of the wall, and I managed to hold onto Eva from Sonic dashing away to Ace before a man's voice rang out through the air.

"What the hell? What's a baby doing here?"

Silence filled the air for a few seconds before it was broken by another round of a child's laughter. Eva's face had grown darker with every second ticking by while a deadly black aura surrounded her body like snakes choking its prey. I could feel the murderous glare she was sending out, and I felt so relieved her anger was not directed towards me. The next thing the man said was something he would regret to say for the rest of his life.

"Let's see if you're a foreigner, or not. If you aren't, you're gonna be target practice."

**MOTHER MODE ACTIVATED: _KICK ASS BITCH SEQUENCE INITIATED_**

**_"Stay the shit away from my baby brother, you stupid son of a bitch!"_**

Eva practically flew from my grasp, making me sigh heavily as I picked up Ace from his cozy, shady spot near the tree. Then we watched the entertaining show of Eva beating the everliving shit out of the rabbit man. She practically body slammed the guy in the chest before she nearly ripped his rabbit ears off, twirling onto his back piggyback style, so he couldn't properly shoot her with his gun. Wait, what?

_**Rabbit ears?**_

**_Gun?!_**

"Eva! He has a freaking gun!"

"I don't give a crap! He must die!"

Her mother mode has been activated. Poor rabbit man was going to die at the hands of a pissed off older sister. The funny thing about this entire situation was the fact he was more than a foot taller than Eva, and as I mentioned before, had a weapon, but she was hitting him so fast in different places that he was practically vulnerable to her attacks.

Not to mention she had her killer grip on his ears.

"Ow! Stop pulling on my ears, you crazy bitch!"

"If you promise to never use my brother as target practice, I might let go your fucking ears, you stupid rabbit man," Eva coldly stated, causing shivers to run down my back.

"I promise! Plus, I'm not a rabbit! Goddammit, let go!"

Letting the rabbit man see the demonic glare in her normally calm brown eyes, Eva walked over to where I was standing, and showed an easy hand motion that meant 'Give me my baby, or die a painful death'. Quickly giving the baby to her, I swiftly walked over to the man who was nursing his abused rabbit ears.

"That's what happens when you get on Eva's bad side. You'll most likely lose an ear, and probably five hundred manly pride points."

He stared at me strangely, rubbing his ears before responding, "You three are Foreigners, aren't you?"

"I guess so," I replied calmly, "Sorry about Eva. She just really loves her brother."

"I noticed."

For a few minutes, we both awkwardly stared at Eva whom was snuggling comfortably with Ace. She had a peaceful expression on her face as she silently watched Ace tug at her hair gently before smiling innocently at her. Anyone would have to admit, the scene was pretty cute. It was like watching a mother and child play around with whatever their imagination allowed. The rabbit man watched her with a twinge of dislike and some respect mixed in her violet eyes, but he didn't seem to fully hate her.

"The name's Elliot, and you are?"

"Anya, and the baby's name is Ace."

"Really?" He looked surprised, "I know someone else with the same name."

"It's a nickname. Eva gave it to him because his real one is too freaking long."

"What is it?"

"It's-"

Suddenly Ace was crawling onto my lap, and he faced Elliot with his puppy brown eyes glittering in the sunlight. Eva walked up to us a light blush covering her cheeks as she nervously played with her silver necklace. A part of me just wanted to open it while another part wanted to smack the former part's brain. This was my cue to get the heck out of here. I placed Ace onto Elliot's lap before I slithered away into the shadows, wondering where the hell we were.

* * *

**EVA'S POV**

_"I'msosorrythatIpunchedyouintheface!YouwerethreatingmylittlebrotherandI-"_

"Do you mind slowing down a bit? I can't understand you when you're talking that fast," he asked, making me stumble on my words as I tried to formulate a sentence. I tried to repeat the lessons Pre-School had taught me: use simple sentences and don't be an idiot."

"What's your name?"

"Elliot. You're Eva and this is your little brother, Ace."

"Anya told you already?"_  
_

"Yeah, but I've got a question. How'd you end up at back of the mansion? Most Foreigners usually show up at the front gate."

"Random rabbit holes that defy the laws of physics, that's how," I stated seriously before realizing how absurd it sounded and nearly fell over laughing. It took several minutes to calm myself down before I noticed Elliot staring at me strangely. An awkward silence followed.

"W-what are you looking at," I stuttered.

"Have you drunk the Potion of Hearts?"

"Er...no."

Reaching into his pocket, Elliot pulled out two strangely shaped vials **(1)**, and handed them to me, "If you want to go back to where you belong, you have to drink this and play The Game. It's the only way home."

I looked at him, then the vials, then back at him. He was dead serious about these things. Taking a deep breath, I popped the top of the bottle and drank the liquid quickly. The taste was absolutely shocking like pop rocks mixed together with soda, but had a more vile spike of flavor that it almost made me spit up. My face curled in disgust before I pocketed the container.

"Do you mind holding my brother? He gets fussy when he takes medicine."

He nodded at me, raising Ace to my eye level. Taking the top off the other bottle, I placed it near my brother's lips and poured it in.

The result was instantaneous.

His face crumpled from the foul-tasting liquid, trying to smack it away from him using his pudgy fist, only for his efforts to be in vain as Elliot held him securely in place. Once it was all gone, I placed Ace in the moby I was wearing, and patted his back as he cried into my chest. Suddenly, the bright, sunny day turned into a silent night. I was shocked from the sudden change while Elliot seemed nonchalant about it.

"The boss is going to have his tea party soon. Do you wanna come along?"

My mind stumbled for a second at his request until I simply nodded.

"Great, follow me."

_Following a rabbit to an unknown destination of imagination... Where have I seen this before?_

* * *

**DONE!**

**Okay, so I know I've been offline for nearly a year, maybe two, but that's because I'm getting into other games, school being an annoyance, and other crap. Understand that this story is going to be somewhat more comedic than serious...most of the time.**

**1) All the Role Holders have the Potion of Hearts with them at all times if they meet a Foreigner within Wonderland that hasn't consumed it. It makes things less complicated.**

**EVA**

**Age: 20**

**Personality: Acts quiet and reserved, but mentally thinks like a spaz; motherly towards kids to the point of doing a complete 180 on her personality to protect them, and is absolutely cuddly due to the fact of her wearing fluffy clothing.**

**Likes: Napping, chocolate, etc. There will be more revealed later on.  
**

**Dislikes: Roller coasters, ghosts, and tomatoes**

**ANYA**

**Age: 20**

**Personality: Spaz-like; gets into random trouble at the worst times; Can be incredibly blunt towards people when stating the obvious with additional cursing; Has a tendency to tease Eva without really meaning it;**

**Likes: Baked goods, fireworks, etc. ****There will be more revealed later on.**

**Dislikes: Being controlled by other people**

**ACE**

**Age: 9 months**

**Personality: Wanders around whenever his older sister isn't watching him like a hawk; Overall happy, adorable, and chubby to the touch whenever you touch his cheeks**

**Likes: Animals, Eva, shiny stuff, and milk**

**Dislikes: Loud noises and being ignored**

**(Edited for minor mistakes on May 10, 2014)**


	2. Chapter 2

**I've been working on this chapter during my normal seven hours of sleep, and I'm really excited about what's going to happen next. ****I need a cat nap though, so see you all later at the end! Before I do, though, I'm gonna try to reply to as many reviews as I can, which I think can be a fun way to do things this time around.**

** Quiet Harmony-chan:**

**No! He's mine! *Kidnaps Ace back.***

** supersushicupcake:**

**I've read your stories, so it's nice to know you enjoy this. Yep, Ace is the one thing where Eva will become a war machine. XD**

** Allora22701:**

**Here's your wish! *Sparkles brightly on your screen***

** AccessBlade:**

**Ace is a nickname that Eva gave him, so he isn't the Knight of Hearts we know. But, think of what'll happen later in this story with those two and Eva. *Sweat drops***

**Cherry Mew 1:**

**Here you go! *Sparkles even brighter***

**I don't own HNKNA, nor any references used in this story, chapter...thing. I do own my OC characters, somewhat crackish plot, and random hilarity that pops along the way.**

* * *

**EVA'S POV**

"Anya, what are you-"

"Don't ask."

"Seriously, why-"

**"DON'T. ASK."**

A hateful glare was sent my way that translated into, _'Get off my back bitch.' _I held my hands up in surrender as I sat next to Elliot at the long table. Even though the guy nearly shot my brother for target practice, I was very sure he wouldn't do it again, especially since I went Mofo Mama.

Anya was serving tea to the mischievous twins named Dee and Dum whom were grinning innocently at her. Ace slept peacefully in the moby while I absentmindedly played with his soft hair. The man at the end of the table was sipping his tea cup, holding his nose using a slightly bloody napkin. His eyes were looking towards Anya in a spiteful way.

My bad guy senses were tingling, as comic book corny as that sounds.

Drinking the contents of my cup, I glanced to see Anya practically steaming in her new clothes. Something must've happened when Elliot and I were talking because she now wore a maid outfit. Frilly black and white material was laced all over the thing. It barely reached her knees, and along with the knee high white socks matching her Mary Jane shoes, I would say that was a similar cosplay outfit that you'd find in a shojo manga like Kaichou Wa Maid-Sama.

"So," I said, trying to break the ice, "Why is there only carrot dishes?"

"The stupid rabbit makes those carrot dishes," Dum answered. The other nodded in agreement, "He's constantly eating anything carrot related, but he hates carrots. He says he's not a rabbit when he has those long, floppy rabbit ears!"

Elliot jumped up from his seat, pulling out his pistol at them, "I'm a damn dog, you little shit heads! Carrots and carrot dishes are different from each other, and there are dogs with long ears!"

Tuning out of that conversation, Anya walked towards me with her dress bouncing on each step as she pulled out a chair and plopped down beside me. "Alright, mind telling me what happened when I wasn't watching you?"

"It involves falcon punching, nasty medicine, and giant freaking axes."

* * *

**_A Few Moments Ago... (ANYA'S POV)_**

"Big sister, why are you running away from us?"

"Yeah, come and play with us!"

"You're evil little demonic brats," I shouted back at the persistent twin brothers.

They grinned devilishly at each other while I panted heavily from the chase. Adrenaline pumped through my veins, and unfortunately, I was starting to feel exhausted. Jumping through the shrubs and bushes, I quickly climbed up a tree with thick leaves and branches, listening for the sound of footsteps below me.

"Aw, big sister ran away."

"Let's try to find her somewhere else!"

I sighed in relief, praising the unknown force that was giving me hell for my short break in this damned place. Making sure they were gone, I hopped down of my hiding place, and proceeded to walk around. Seeing a set of familiar looking hedges, I stepped through them.

That was, until I was pulled forward.

My eyes imediately closed to avoid getting pricked in the eyes from the small spikes of their branches.

**_Tick Tock~ _**

**_Tick Tock~_**

When I stopped moving forward from the force, I blinked slowly before looking upwards.

A man with a black top hat decorated in red roses and playing cards filled my vision. His crisp white suit made his black hair stand out more with piercing green eyes to match. My body stiffen from the sudden realization that he was hugging me, and I immediately broke away from his grip. A playful smirk appeared on his lips, and he finally spoke, "My name is Blood Dupre, and what is yours, my dear?"

_Fancy asshole._

"Anya."

He continued to smirk at me, "A pleasure to meet you. Have you already drunken the Potion of Hearts?"

"What?"

His smirk became more prominent as we continued to stare at each other. Suddenly wrapping his arms around my waist, Blood popped open a vial with a heart stopper and drank its contents before he forced the liquid down my throat. The thing called my brain shut down like a Windows 95, and everything went blank.

When he was finished, I gave him my calm Eye of the Hurricane glare while he had a similar devilish gleam in his green eyes that would make all the ladies back home swoon.

**_POW!_**

"I hope you suffer a thousand sufferings in Hell, you bastard!"

Huffing in disdain, I continued to walk away from him until I was face-to-face with two giant blades. The demonic evil twins dragged my body towards the mansion saying in a singalong voice, "It's time to play, big sis~"

* * *

**EVA'S POV**

I sweat dropped throughout the short story of Anya's adventure, if you could call it that. Honestly, there are times where she can end up in the worst situations possible without even trying. Although, it did explain the twin's behavior towards her and Blood's, well, bloody nose.

"Ah~"

Looking down at the moby, Ace opened his eyes sleepily at me before squirming around in discomfort. Pulling him out of the moby and cuddling with him, Anya stood up from her spot and said aloud, "Hey. Where are we going to stay?"

Elliot and the twins stopped arguing, and Blood calmly stated, "You're welcome to stay the night, not that you have any choice. It is dangerous for young ladies like yourselves to be out."

Insert over-exaggerated rolling eyes from Anya.

"Thank you for letting us stay here, we'll see you in the morning," I politely bowed towards Blood, and dragged my cosplaying friend with me, keeping an eye on Blood from the glare of my glasses. It's a neat trick I learned when I first got them in the third grade, and it's helped me more than once in my life. The necklace felt cold on my skin, and I snapped back to reality when Anya spoke up.

"Eva, do you know where you're going?"

"No, but we can ask someone."

Seeing a woman that was dressed just like Anya, I walked up to her and asked for directions around the estate and where our rooms were. Luckily, the maid, Rosa, was kind enough to prepare our bedrooms and led us to the bath house with all the necessities needed for a relaxing bath. Hesitantly stripping off our clothes, we wrapped ourselves tightly with the towels given to us, and Rosa departed with our clothes. She also gave Ace a small tub to bathe in since he certainly wasn't gonna float like a boat in the bath pool.

While I was preparing his water, Anya stepped inside the pool and sighed in relief.

"So nice~"

Testing out the water myself, I smiled gently before I submerged my body in the giant bath. Drifting towards my friend, I poked her shoulder until she lazily lifted one eye to stare at me in sleepy annoyance.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, pathetic mortal?"

"Mind helping me with my back?"

Sighing at my request, she awkwardly scrubbed my back, and vise versa. It was strange to do such things since we both liked our privacy and personal space, a rule that was regarded as our unspoken policy about each other. Once that was done, I made my way back to Ace whom was happily splashing in the water, not caring about anything else in the world.

"Alright, time for your scrubbing," I tapped his tiny nose, making him giggle in delight before I cleaned him with a wet towel. Anya was wandering around in the bath, probably thinking of something either serious or incredibly random. I was the same when I was trying to think, except I would run laps around the house in a frantic/panicked state until my mother yelled me for being so overdramatic.

"What the hell are you two doing in here?!"

My head snapped around to see Dee and Dum glomping onto Anya like she was a teddy bear, only instead of the normal black button eyes and nose, she had a cold grey eyes that could freeze your heart with flames coming out of her nose.

_Wait, if they're in here..._

Wiping down Ace with the towel as fast as I could, my mind was practically swarming with random thoughts flying in and out of there like 'Holy mother of chocolates, why me?!', 'Where the freaking fudge nuggets are my glasses!?', and my personal favorite, 'Protect the towel of innocence, or else hell will ensue!'

"Ace, please cooperate with me this one time. We need to get out of here," I muttered under my breath.

"Why is that, Eva? We just arrived, and you're already leaving," a sickly smooth voice called out.

_"He can smell fear,"_ my brain thought in its panicked state.

A bead of sweat went down my face as I slowly turned around to see Blood and Elliot relaxing in the bath, and was that a floating tray with a teacup on it? Geez, Blood really loves his tea. Elliot was avoiding my eyes with me in my, er...exposed state. Anya was trying to shove away the twins, keeping a hand where her towel was while keeping an eye on me. My brain began analyzing my position in this conversation, coming up with two simple answers: Somebody was going to either run out of this room in one piece, or Anya was going to drag my ass out of here like Night of Nights from Touhou Project.

I held Ace in a towel swaddle, and glancing down at him, I calmly responded without looking at Blood in the eye, "Well, I just wanna make sure my brother isn't sick from staying in the water too long. It wouldn't be good for him obviously, so I need to go. Anya, can you come with me please?"

Stepping out of the bath, I made my way to the door while Anya finally managed to get the twins away from her, and angrily slammed the door shut. When we found Rosa, we were led to our respective bedrooms. My mind was still racing from that moment in the bath, and I couldn't believe we made it out of there alive. Mentally, of course, but still.

Not bothering to see if the door was open, I started searching the room for anything wearable. Looking through it, I put on a simple white nightgown that was neatly folded in one of drawers of the closet. Placing my glasses on the nightstand beside the bed, I stare blankly at the ceiling, and crawl over to Ace. His raven bangs were thoroughly dried, so he doesn't actually get sick, but when he saw me hovering over him, his arms reached for me for a cuddle session.

Placing Ace over my stomach, which for some reason comforts him, I played around with my necklace, and stared at it. My mother gave it to me for my eleventh birthday as a special gift for how hard I worked in my life, and no matter what the kind of hardship, I would be able to overcome it. Memories of my younger years passed through my head in an instant, and I laugh softly to myself. Thumbing the chain, I picked up Ace gently to not disturb his sleeping form, putting him next to me, and immediately went to sleep with an old dream of me playing hide and seek.

* * *

_**The Next Morning...**_

**ACE'S POV**

Big sister was still sleeping peacefully when I woke up.

That meant I was able to explore, something that I hadn't been able to do for a while!

I love my big sister, but she gets really overprotective whenever we go outside to walk or play in the park. Just like what happened with the bunny man the day before, she would do all sorts of cool ninja stuff to bad people, and it makes me happy that I'm loved so much.

Big sister always took good care of me, but I wanted to see the world by myself. Crawling across the bed, I fell down slowly towards the floor using the fallen blankets as rope. Landing on my butt in the process, I kept myself quiet from the impact. One sound was all it took to wake up my sister, and I wasn't going to let that happen. Then, finally reaching my destination, I pulled the slightly open door and closed it.

_Adventure time~_

I took in the sights, gaping in awe at the stuff around me as I slowly made my way around of the mansion. The workers did stare at me, if they could stare that is since they had no eyes, but they probably thought my sister was nearby to watch over me. Seeing that the twin guards weren't at their post, I crawled my way towards the forest, thinking there would be cuddly bears like the ones my sister gave me for nap time.

_**~Rustle~**_

**_~Rustle~_**

My head jerked towards the direction of the sound, making me peek into the bushes. I gaped in amazement of my incredible find, and I couldn't help, but laugh in happiness at my incredible find.

"Squee!"

"Hm~ What's a baby doing here? I'll take good care of you little guy," the strange man said, putting me in his arms. My face was momentarily covered by fuzz before it was clear again. His eyes looked down at me with a bright smile on his face. Yawning, I placed my head over his chest to hear something strange.

**_Tick Tock~ _**

**_Tick Tock~_**

_The sound of a clock reminds us that time marches on._

* * *

**Hm, I've noticed when I read this chapter over that I rhymed sometimes. Ha, ha, I wonder who took our dear baby Ace. ****Who knows? ****Oh wait, only I do~**

**I am going to update whenever possible, so I hope you guys are okay with that.**

**The only clue about the mystery person I'm going to give you is look over at the chapter again and guess from Ace's brief description of the mystery person. I suck at being secretive.**

**See you next time~**


	3. Chapter 3

**Do you guys know how hard it was to write this chapter? I'm surprised that I was able to finish it. I use my iPad to do these, but it's been spaztastic lately and I somehow exit out randomly when I'm close to finishing this thing. Anyways...**

**~_Also, my updates may be slower since summer is almost over, and I'm going to be busy the first few weeks of school, so bear with me on the next update!_**

**Everyone: Well, here's the answer to all your responses! I hope you enjoy!**

**I do not own HNKNA. I only own the somewhat crackish plot, OC characters plus my own sense of humor. I don't know how you could steal someone's thunder, but you apparently can.**

* * *

**ANYA'S POV**

"Mmm...that was a good night's sleep..."

Sunlight poured through my window, making the room brighter in the quickly retreating darkness. It looked like it was in the afternoon, or something like that, which was weird since I was an early riser while Eva was practically hungover in the morning. The bed itself, however, practically called me down to sleep on it. The silky sheets were cozy to snuggle in, and the two grown men in my bed were also keeping me warm from the way they held me in their sleep.

...

Wait, **MEN**?!

"WHO THE SHIT ARE YOU," I shrieked, kicking them off of me as I held my beating heart before it could run out of my chest.

Their eyes snapped open in surprise before the one with red eyes crawled closer to me, "Big sis, don't you like us this way?"

"Like you that way?! I've never even met you!"

The one with longer hair spoke up, "Big sis, it's us! Dee and Dum!"

"You're not frigging kids! How the hell would you be-"

**POOF!**

My eye twitched.

"Big sis? Are you okay," Dum asked me with over-sized clothes hanging loosely on him.

My brain broke down.

"Big sis, why are you going into the corner," Dee called out.

A moment of silence for the recently departed piece of me that still had logic.

**_"Everything in this world is a lie!"_**

And that was the beginning of my day at the Hatter's Mansion.

* * *

My cheeks burned furiously as the incident from this morning kept repeating itself in my mind. After shoving the twins out of my room, I rage walked wherever there wasn't anything around my feet. It hurt stubbing your toe into your dresser.

_Why the hell were they grown up?! It doesn't make any sense! Then again, this is the land where all the people have guns, children are able to carry axes bigger than their bodies, and the same place where my best friend got me because she tried to save her baby brother from falling down a hole._

I practically epic fail at trying to fit in this crazy world.

Groaning loudly, I look into my backpack to find my extra change of clothes. It was a Domo hoodie that had an 'I'm Awesome' t-shirt underneath with black shorts. I often slept over at Eva's house because we would be so absorbed in our conversations that we sometimes didn't realize hours went by. After all, that girl can be quiet, but she can talk for hours about the same thing, and you wouldn't realize it until you ask her about anything else.

Speaking of Eva, wouldn't she be up by now?

Going to her bedroom, I slowly opened the door to find utter chaos.

Pillows were thrown to each corner of the room, bed sheets were lying on the floor ripped and torn apart like a cat decided to have some kneading time, and Eva was moving around the dresser, table, and anything else in her way as she silently muttered to herself, "Where is he? Oh god, where is he?"

My mouth hung open slightly at the sight, "What the heck?! What happened in here?!"

"Ace is missing!"

Oh, it's her Mother Mode again. That explains a lot.

"I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have gone that far," I said soothingly, trying to get her relaxed.

**Key word:** Trying.

"Mom is going to kill me," she darkly mumbled as a cloud of darkness surrounded her. I sweat dropped at her before trying to comfort her.

"C'mon Eva. Think positively. He's barely a year old, and he just learned how to crawl, for Pete's sake. He couldn't have gotten too far. It's not like anyone would kidnap him."

Her eyes went wide at my answer, **"HOLY-"**

"Big sis, are you awake?!"

"Come on in," I shouted back. They had mischievous little grins on their faces, making me slightly nervous.

"A friend of ours wants to meet you, but he lives in the Amusement Park! So let's go," hey both said at the same time, dragging me by my arms.

"Wait a minute," I stressed out to them, "Eva's gonna come too, so be good boys and wait outside for a few minutes, okay?"

Being the somewhat obedient little children they were, they actually listened to me and left the room to give Eva some privacy. Turning towards her, I could see the hidden anger in her cold brown eyes before zipping open the big brown bag she brought along for the park. After hanging out of her nightgown, she now wore a light grey hand knit sweater with a pair of jeans. For once, she let her hair down, falling down in small waves along wih her glasses on the midsection of her her pull out a black vest, I couldn't help, but question it.

"What's that?"

"Bulletproof vest."

"Wait, why?"

"Because I'm pretty sure the bastard has a gun."

"...Alright..."

I could tell from the way she spoke that the guy who took her brother was gonna die painfully.

* * *

In front of me was my interpretation of a wonderful wonderland. Colorful gigantic rides were around me while we passed dozens of food carts selling things like cotton candy, french fries, and hot dogs to little children, adults and couples. one thing that peaked my interest, though, was the fact no one else had eyes. Of course, they had a mouth and nose, but no eyes. In fact, I think we're the only ones with eyes in the entire plaza.

"Why are there no eyes on these people," I whispered to Dum whom clung to my arm.

"They're not worth anything in the Game, big sis, so they don't have any eyes. My brother and I are Role Holders, so we have them. Of course, they hate us for that, so at any given time that we let our guard down, they'd try to kill us."

Eva raised an eyebrow at his statement while I felt a bead of sweat rolling down my face. Soon, we all cringed in agony as a horrific screech rang through our ears. However, Dee and Dum looked at each other like they hit the jackpot, and dragged us closer to the site of the noise using our ears as detectors. When we finally found who was making that, I almost laughed at the sight before me.

A man wearing a bright yellow jacket with a yellow vest underneath was holding a violin while belting his lungs out in public. Can someone record this and show it on an Epic Fail video?

He was singing out of tune with his hands on the violin's strings, making it screech out the notes instead of the usual harmonious sounds that would come out. What makes it funny is that he's so happy with his music he was playing that all the people around him falling down from how awful it was.

"Oi! Old man, mind turning that down," a voice shouted.

A pink boa was wrapped around the guy's neck while his fuchsia hair covered one side of his cat-like eyes with a triangle underneath it. He had golden piercings all over his body, and was basically dressed like a punk with a fabulous flare for pink. He wore black shorts with a skirt that had a grinning cat on it. Long chains extended down from his neck down to more chains that were connected to his black gloves that had hot pink collars on them with one leading to a handy dandy handgun. The one thing that made the picture even more dangerous was the fact he was holding a little baby in his arms that was trying to touch the guy's fuchsia tail.*****

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, and taking a chance, I peeked from the corner of my eye to see Eva staring at the cat man with such malice in her eyes that Dee and Dum stood right next to me with their weapons out, protecting me from Eva's soon-to-be delivered wrath. For the first time in the short period of time I knew them, I'm grateful for their kindness because if Eva's like this, man had created this quote for times just like this: hell hath no wrath like a woman pissed off.

"Boris, You just don't know how to appreciate good music," the older male retorted.

"Good music? You gotta be-"

"Why don't you two shut up, and work out your bitching later? I want my brother back," Eva hissed out. Noticing the young girl's aggravation towards them, Boris held up the little baby boy towards her, testing how serious his situation was. Ace, being the very adorable little boy he was, smiled obliviously at his sister whom was silently thinking of ways of painfully hurting the half-cat kidnapper without badly traumatizing her brother.

"Sorry! I don't wanna die today, so see ya!"

"Come back here, you goddamn cat cosplayer...!"

The young man dashed away with Eva following in an angry pursuit screaming profanities at him that made nearby mothers shake their heads at the two. As the two were running around, the older male introduced himself as Gowland, shooting a glare at the twins, daring them to say anything. Wonder what that was all about?

**_"SUFFER MY WRATH MOTHERFUCKER!"_**

"Gah! Get off of me!"

The scene was incredibly strange to any passerby that hasn't seen Eva go Commando Momma, and for me, it was still a sight worth falling over laughing.

Eva was choking Boris in his boa while reaching out to Ace whom was laughing at the show in front of him. (This makes me wonder if he's going to be a sadist one day.) Her legs were around his waist as she tighten the thing even more, making it very apparent if he didn't let go, he would die of suffocation. Boris held his handgun and was trying to shoot her in an awkward position, but Eva wasn't going to let him have a chance. In fact, it only made her more determined and wrapped the boa tighter.

"How is she not dead yet," Gowland said in total awe.

"She's wearing a bulletproof vest," I voiced out to him.

"She's got guts."

"No, she's just nuts."

"Hey, big sis, let's go play on some of the rides," Dum exclaimed, popping up besides me.

"Yeah! There's one roller coaster that's so fast that you'll feel like you're flying out of your seat," Dee agreed, popping up beside me as well.

"Enjoy yourselves! After all, it's my job to make sure all the people in this Amusement Park are havin' fun! I'll keep an eye out on your friend," Gowland looked over at the two whom were now having a wrestling match on the ground with Eva on top.

"**_Oh!_** Right in the jewels," Dum cringed, watching Boris falling over in pain.

Walking away from them, I silently hoped Gowland would be able to handle her, otherwise who knows what might happen.

* * *

**EVA'S POV**

Satisfied with my work, I motioned Ace to crawl over to me. At first, he pushed himself forward a few inches before a soft groan came from the cat kidnapper. I harshly glared at him enough to make him flinch.

Then, the weirdest thing happened.

Ace went back over to the guy, I think his name is Boris, and patted his forehead with his hand, smacking it softly. Was he trying to mimic me when he was hurt? I couldn't help, but giggle at the sight. _Such a silly baby~_

"Heh, guess you like me more than your sister, don't you?"

A vein popped from my forehead as I slowly walked over towards him, a murderous aura surrounded me quickly once more in my rage.

"Guess I'm keeping you then," a sly grin slid on his face, knowing it got on my nerves seeing them like that.

"Boris, stop annoying the girl, and give her the baby," the man from before shouted.

"It was just getting good too," he complained, placing Ace in his lap.

"You're an idiot if you can't read the deadly atmosphere," I spat at him.

"I've got nine lives, Chokerface, and I'm still at number one."

_What the heck?_ "My name's Eva, not Chokerface."

"Mmm...you look like you still wanna choke me with that look," Boris cheekily replied, enjoying my facial expression of rage. Honestly, who the heck does he think he is? My mind scrambled for a witty retort when Ace started to squeak in his soft baby voice.

"Ki...ki," Ace reached out towards Boris with his bright brown eyes on the chains moving around. Oh, he's trying to say cat, or should I say, kitty?

"...Pfft...hahahaha!" The other man bursted out laughing, holding in his stomach from the pain while Boris looked down at Ace with a surprised look on his face.

"Nice to meet you too, **_Kiki-chan_**," I emphasized at the end, trying to keep a relaxed and cool demeanor under my internal emotion of laughing my ass off. Before he could snap back at me, the man watching the show stepped in with a hearty laugh.

"Good to finally meet someone who can keep him at bay! The name's Gowland, the owner of this park, at your service!"

After introducing ourselves formally, we all decided to roam around the Amusement Park with Ace happily looking at the bright cheerful colors that made him squeal in delight. Even though most of the rides nearly made me vomit, cling to a devilishly smirking Boris whom ended up with an sore arm and a hit-induced headache, and scream my lungs out to the point where I almost fainted over from exhaustion, they were actually fun and I usually hated them.

"Yaa!"

I gently laughed at Ace's attempt to scream like I did on the last ride. Gowland walked up to me, and patted me on the back, "Mind staying here at the Amusement Park? Plus, I need someone to keep tabs on Boris when he's out and about. That boy can be a handful sometimes, but he means well."

"If this gives me permission to smack him around whenever I want, I accept," I smiled darkly. I might like living here, even though I knew Anya was going to hate me for this decision in the end.

_Find the cat with a big, fat grin..._

* * *

**This chapter was so frustrating to type with so much...grah! It makes me mad that my internet wasn't cooperating with me for so long, and it suddenly starts working when I check the server and whatnot.**

***I did mention there was fur on the person, and although this is a small hint, I put a bright smile, in my mind it means a person that has a habit of smiling, which many people confused for Ace. Plus, if you look at Ace's (the baby) Likes in the first chapter, you would see animals in there. If a normal person were to find him, he would just stare at them in silence, if that's logical enough.**

* * *

**Hmm...well, I've got one thing to say: When you think of the nicknames I gave Eva and Boris, what was the first crack image that popped into your mind?**


	4. Chapter 4

**I don't know where my brain was when I was writing this chapter. It was so painful just write this. I hope you enjoy this random thing that has some importance towards the plot. Thanks for listening to me rant.**

**I do not own HNKNA. I do own my OC characters, somewhat crackish plot, and the random derps that pop along the way for the story line.**

* * *

**EVA'S POV**

"You're such a cute baby. How'd you get such a violent sister like Chokerface?"

"Mind shutting up right now? I don't need your sass, Kiki."

Boris poked with my little brother's cheeks gently, his ears twitching every time Ace giggled in delight from the attention he was getting from the cat man. I was trying to relax in the small apartment that Gowland gave me since I accepted his invitation to stay. Boris decided to randomly show up at my place everyday since then, and annoyed me by asking my brother about how unlucky he was to have someone like me as a sister. Every time I tried to get back at him, Boris would hold up Ace right in front of me before we continued in this endless cycle of insults towards each other.

"I'm going out, so see ya later," I lazily waved at him, not bothering that fact he could hurt my brother, but the chances are slim in that category.

...

...

...

**_"...WAHH!"_**

* * *

Walking through the small town that we passed by when we went to the Amusement Park, I could see a large tower of brown bricks with twelve smaller towers surrounding it. Inspecting closely, I could see there were numbers that copied the roman numerals in the style of a grandfather clock on the smaller towers with two large metallic arrows pointing at specific ones.

"Freaking awesome decor," I murmured under my breath.

Reaching out for the door, my vision was clouded by a small room that had been occupied by a grown man hunched over on top of a desk. His long navy hair was in a ponytail while his concentration was all on his work, I'm guessing. He doesn't even look my way when he calls out, "Ace, just leave the clocks and leave."

Controlling the part of me that wanted to scream for the police for a pedobear on the loose (Honestly, what would you do if you heard some random dude call out your baby brother's name?), I replied, "My name's not Ace, it's Eva."

At the sound of my unfamiliar voice, he nearly snapped his head around in shock to find me standing there with a blank expression on my face, trying to analyze his personality. If there's one thing that I could tell right off the bat, he doesn't seem to be very social. The way he spoke to this "Ace" person was proof of that. There's also some kind of protective barrier around him that just screams, 'Leave me alone! I like my reclusive bubble!'

His eyes narrowed in realization, "Oh, you must be the foreigner I've been hearing about. The one who's staying at the Hatter Mansion."

"No, that would be my friend. I'm the one who has the baby brother."

"Hm," he looked away in disinterest, returning to his original state. In his hands was a clock that was opened to reveal the complex insides of gears and screws that made up its body. Pulling up a chair, I settled on seeing him work on them. The way he handled them with such extensive care, it reminded me of how I held Ace the first time when he was born. The fact I was holding a tiny piece of life was the most amazing part of it all because he would just the same like me when I grew up, maybe a bit different, but still.

"Don't you find this boring? I'm sure that living in the Amusement Park is definitely more exciting than this," he asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah, but that damn cat is annoying me by using my brother as a anti-hit shields and bothers me whenever he has the chance." A vein popped out from my head as the guy remained quiet.

"Sounds like he's trying to make you notice him," he finally said, making me nearly choke at the answer.

"What? How does that work?"

"Well, Boris is a, well, part of him, is a cat, and they have a habit of being attention seekers from other people. The thing that gets your attention the most is your baby brother, and in order for you to recognize him, he would get you to notice him by using your brother. Get it?"

I remained quiet at this theory, but I slowly face palmed myself from my own stupidity. If Boris just wanted my attention, why couldn't he have done it normally instead of pissing me off?

"Thanks, uh...who are you?"

"Julius," he calmly responded.

"Thanks, Julius."

* * *

The day turned into late afternoon with a beautiful sunset towering over the trees, making me sprint through the forest faster. The feeling of being stuck in the forest at night was something that made me shiver.

Who knows what are in these woods?

As I entered through a familiar part of the forest that led to the Amusement Park, the strong smell of iron hit me. Turning my head ever so slightly in the general direction where it was coming from, I tried not to alert the bloodied figure standing in the middle of a small forest entering. The bodies were laid down in a hazardous way, smearing the grass with their wounded bodies. They all wore some kind of fancy suit, which made me think of some gangs from back home that were pretty extravagant in the way they did things. However, they paled in comparison from the caped figure that was standing over all of them, a crimson stained blade gripped in his hands. Although I couldn't see his face, I could feel the cold smirk appearing on his lips as he slowly turned around.

Running out of there like a bat out of hell, I dashed through the brightly colored buildings that looked too cheerful to see after seeing such a horrific sight until I found myself slamming my apartment door open. Boris was sitting on the couch as he held my brother comfortingly, rubbing his back as Ace sobbed loudly into his chest.

"Where the heck were you!? Your brother was crying the entire time you were gone, and...are you okay?"

"Peachy. Just...peachy," I muttered under my breath. _Except for the fact there's some crazy killing maniac on the lose, but other than that, I'm great._

After a short silence, I walked over to him, pulling Ace out of Boris's arms and snuggled with him, trying to distract myself from the scene I just witnessed. My heart nearly stopped at the scene. It was just like what happened all those years ago. A pair of arms wrapped around my waist, and a content hum escaped from behind me, "No wonder Ace was crying so much! You're really soft to hug!"

Hearing his response, my face burned like the surface of the sun before I struggled to get out of Boris's arms, failing miserably in the process. Ace was fast asleep in my arms while I was trying to get out of Boris's Cuddle Clamp. When I finally gave up on escaping, I leaned back on him, and tried to clear my mind when I heard something strange.

**_Tick Tock~_**

**_Tick Tock~_**

"Boris, do you have a watch?"

"Yep, and it's still ticking, thank Dealer."

I just stared at him greatly confused, wondering why he would be so concerned over a watch before he pulled me closer to his chest over where his heart should be.

"Listen."

**_Tick Tock~_**

**_Tick Tock~_**

"Where's-"

"That's my heart, Eva. In this world, life isn't really that valuable because their clocks are repaired by Julius, the clock master. Whenever someone dies, they aren't important because they are always replaced in the end. You, however, only live once since you have a heart, and you only live once."

Did he just say YOLO? That was the first thing that came into my mind, and I sighed deeply,"...In my world, there are some people whom don't really care about life like that."

"You all care about life to some extent," he responded, stroking my hair gently. Silence filled the room after that with my eyes drooping before I took my eyeglasses off and placed them on the coffee table in front of the couch. Putting Ace down on one of the huge pillows, I put my head back on his chest. Boris kept quiet as he continued what he was doing, which was strange for him to do.

"Hey Boris, is it true that you wanted me to pay attention to you," I mumbled through his chest. Even though it was just a theory, I wanted to test it out. He looked away from me, but a faint blush spread on his cheeks. Heh, cat got his tongue.

"Yeah, I mean, you do treat me like a punching bag most of the time," he bluntly stated, making me feel a pang of guilt at the memory of when we first met. Yes, the guy kidnapped my baby brother and calls me a parody of one of Lady Gaga's songs, but I nearly choked the guy with his boa and practically beat the living crap out of him when we went on those rides with Gowland.

"Sorry," I hugged him awkwardly, just hoping my face wasn't betraying me at that moment. Immediately, he Cuddle Clamped me, and I tried not to ruin the moment by punching him in the gut.

_"Just deal with it,"_ _my brain reasoned, "It's not like he trying to make you feel like you're going to explode into a thousand pieces from how much oxygen he's cutting off."_

"Hehe~ You look so cute when you're shy!"

And there goes my emotionless facade.

"I'm not cute!"

"Your cheeks are so red right now," he whispered into my ear, making me immediately freeze, "...I could just eat you up."

**_BEEP..._**

That is when my mind went blank.

* * *

**Boris's POV**

_Did she just faint?_

Adjusting the stray hairs that covered her face, I easily confirmed she was out like a light when she didn't punch me. Funny thing was, Eva looked just like a baby when she was asleep with the blissful smile that was made me crack a grin at the innocence. Cuddling closer to me, she hugged me around my waist and continued to snooze away while I tried to carry her bridal style towards her room.

As much as I liked her being so easily huggable like this, I imagined if she saw me like this, Eva would most likely rip my head off.

It was a light blue bedroom with a small closet, window, a medium-sized bed, and a wooden nightstand. On the handle of the closet was the giant brown bag that most likely had baby stuff for her brother. Placing her on the mattress, I gently pulled off the scrunchy that held her hair and watched it uncurl onto her face. I blinked, trying to see if my eyes were broken or something.

She looked older looking with her hair up in a ponytail all the time, but with her hair down, she looked more childish. I don't know how to explain it properly, but she just does.

Noticing the silver pendant around her neck, my curiosity got the better of me. I took it into my hand, and stared. It was smooth to the touch with several scratches and unnoticeable dents, but the insides was the thing that caught my eye. It had a small picture of a woman in a long navy dress, maybe in her mid-thirties, smiling brightly at the camera with a girl no older than six on her lap.

The kid was smiling calmly at the camera, and wore a strange outfit consisting of a black jacket, black pants, a blue shirt, and a pair of sunglasses that hid her eyes. She looked like a mini gangster. Her arms were crossed across her chest, looking rather proud of herself like she just achieved something amazing while having her picture taken. A saying was carved into the opposite side of the picture: "Live while you can, my little one. You only live once."

"Why would she put that on a locket, especially for a kid," I thought silently. Eva suddenly turned my way, making my ears stand-on end before she wrapped her arms around my neck and locked me into an awkward position near her neck.

Oh Dealer...this is going to be difficult to explain when she wakes up.

_Enter a world where everything is fun as it can be..._

* * *

**AND DONE!**

**Ahhh... This was really...I don't know. Off my tracks for something not comedy-related? Then again, it's better to add something like that than to always be super cracky in references in every single chapter. See you guys next time.**


End file.
